


A Human Heart: You'd be Broken

by LaityAshes



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Canon Divergent, Danvers Sisters, Drinking, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danver's deals with her issues, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Kara Danvers/ Original character, Kara Danvers/Original Character(s) for a short period of time, Kara Danvers/Original Character(s) not endgame, Kara copies big sister Alex, Kara's abandonment issues, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-01-15 22:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaityAshes/pseuds/LaityAshes
Summary: “I would. I would be,” Alex shrugged and nodded her head in agreement, “And it's okay if you are.” Alex replied softly and gently, slowly approaching the Girl of Steel again. Her heart clenching at the idea of what Kara must feel.“I’m not,” replied Kara—chill, and rigidity, permeating her tone. “That’s what humans do,” Kara paused letting the words sink in, “And I’m better than that,” she finished coldly.El mayarah was garbage. None of her friends understood. None of them had lost everything in their lives. Lost the love of their life. Lost their culture, their planet, their childhood, their childhood friends, and most of all their whole family.Heartbreak, generally, shouldn't last more than two months... So why has it been seven months for Kara?





	1. Glass Figurine

**Author's Note:**

> Had this sitting in my folder on my desktop, and I figured it would work well with the argument Kara and Alex had in 3x01. Enjoy! We'll see where this story goes...

Kara felt it when she cracked. It was as if the built-up pressure inside her was finally too much, and a crack had opened up in her torso. It was almost as if her heart had been ripped from her chest, and then someone tore the organ into pieces.

Another person. She had lost another person she had treasured. Again, another person had been ripped from her life by circumstances she had no control over.

 _He_ was gone. Mon-el was gone.

It had been months, and yet it hadn’t gotten substantially easier. 

She had attempted to busy herself in Catco and Supergirl work, but it didn’t work. She had picked up that particular coping mechanism from Eliza, and she found it was not effective this time around. Eliza had always worked extra hard when something terrible happened, especially when Jeremiah “died,” and Kara had found such a trait to be admirable and strong. It had reminded her of her mother back on Krypton. So, it’s no surprise Kara reverted to what she admired and knew. Then she tried to hide behind the Supergirl persona; however, that didn’t work either. _Nothing_  seemed to work.

To make matters worse, her home, her apartment, didn’t feel like home anymore. Her apartment was so lonely; heck, the whole world was lonely.

 

> _“If it were Maggie,” Kara’s hand hit the counter with a thud, “what would you be doing? If the woman you're about to marry was gone forever, what would you be doing?” Kara questioned unrestrained, and Ire present in her voice. Her blue eyes narrowing fiercely at her sister._
> 
> _“I-I–,” her sister stutters back at her._
> 
> _“You'd be at the bar every night. You'd be a wreck at work. You'd be broken.” Kara snaps, her voice stilted and glossed with indignation. Detailing her intricate knowledge of her sister, and her eyesheld a knowing look._
> 
> _“I would. I would be,” Alex shrugged and nodded her head in agreement, “And it's okay if you are.” Alex replied softly and gently, slowly approaching the Girl of Steel again. Her heart clenching at the idea of what Kara must feel._
> 
> _“I’m not,” replied Kara—chill, and rigidity, permeating her tone. “That’s what humans do,” Kara paused letting the words sink in, “And I’m better than that,” she finished coldly._

That encounter had happened weeks ago…

 if she was glass figurine, kara was fragmented and cracked. The big crack, from the buildup of pressure, was just the onset; one crack led to another and to another. The cracks kept scattering—divulging new pieces that needed to be held in place. Kara was a glass figurine, and her arms could no longer hold herself together. She could no longer keep all her pieces in place. She had to let go, and so, she let go, and the pieces scattered to the floor.

She was _broken_.  And, so, _here_ she was; _here_ at the Dive Bar.

Kara took a long swig of the foreign alcoholic beverage the bartender had served her. What it was specifically, she had no idea. Nor, did she care. Everything was too much. She couldn’t do it anymore.

The Dive Bar had held various good memories for her, and the lack of a specific employee made Kara press the glass to her lips once again, craving another swallow of alcohol and hungering for the burning sensation as the liquid glided down her esophagus. 

It was funny, in an ironic way. She’d gone to the same vice her sister turned to for comfort. The same vice she'd so vehemently hurled, without mercy, at her sister weeks ago. Downing her feelings in alcohol— Alex had done this dance, this routine, numerous time. She had always disapproved of Alex’s unhealthy coping mechanism, but what could the almighty Supergirl say now? Here she was doing the same thing—trying to drink away the pain. Trying to numb it out. She wanted to experience the feelings, the high, when she had gotten drunk with Mon-el. That day, in particular, Kara learned why humans, why _her sister_ , loved alcohol so much.

When Kara had gone to order her first drink, the one she was currently drinking, she hesitated, realizing she didn’t know what precisely to order for the purpose she had in mind. When she had delayed with her order and settled for “give me something strong,” the alien occupying the stool next to her at bar counter instructed the bartender to serve her up a more specific drink and paid for it. Hence, she didn’t exactly know what she was drinking, but it sure felt nice as it settled in her stomach and, to her, that’s all that mattered.

For Kara, drinking had been a temptation before this, but she had been strong enough to resist the temptation. Today, she couldn’t. And, today, M’gann was not here to stop her from giving into the temptation like she had done when Alex skipped out on earth birthday. Today, Kara just needed something. Something to make it all stop. 

Kara hoped, if she got herself drunk, she could pretend she was okay. She could be what she seemed to be on the outside. She hoped she could be happy and cheerful as when she had first gotten drunk here.

Kara wolfed down the last of the red liquid in her glass and set the glass down on the counter. 

Whatever she had just drunk was good.  _Really good._

Kara began to realize that this method of coping was much easier than drowning herself in work. She felt funny, a sort of good funny.

A feeling of warmth fizzed in her stomach. The fizzing was soothing in a calming way. Still, even with the sensation, her emotions lingered in the background. The ache, her fears, and the hurt—it was all still there. She needed to drown it out. She wanted to make the warmth more prominent, more encompassing if she could, and Kara decided to order another round of whatever that was she just had.

“Soooo, what did you think of the drink?” asked the friendly stranger sitting next to her, startling Kara out of her thoughts, and bringing her back to the setting of the Dive Bar.

The alien, Kara was unsure if the alien was male or female, looked at her expectantly. This alien was the one who had helped her with ordering. Kara turned on her barstool and looked at the alien fully, giving him her full attention.

“well, it’s much better than Vodka,” Kara replied. A smile graced her lips with ease, “What’s your name again, and the name of the drink?” Kara slurred out slightly. The smile on her face felt foreign for second as if it shouldn't have been so easy for her lips to form.

 “Actually, I don’t think I ever introduced myself. My name is G'kika.” the alien replied. “The drink is Fruflalian Moonshine. As the name suggests, it comes from the Fruflalians. One of the only good things to come from the Fruflalians.”

G'kika was teasingly shoved by the crimson alien that sat next to them— “Hey, not cool,” spoke the crimson alien.

The crimson-colored alien leaned slightly to the side, still sitting on the bar stool, looking around G'kika to make eye contact with Kara. “Don’t listen to my friend, us, Fruflalians, have contributed more than making good moonshine. Though I will say nothing they serve here beats Fruflalian moonshine. Call me biased.”

The alien reached around G'kika and offered her his hand, “The name’s Ehtel”

“Mine’s Kara,” she said and shook his hand.

“We’ll show you all the good stuff here. Us aliens have to stick together, you know,” piped up Ehtel as he withdrew his hand.

Kara’s brow crinkled unsure how they figured out she was an alien. She hesitated for a moment, mouth agape, attempting to articulate a reply—

“You don’t smell human,” Ehtel explained and snorted. His large nostrils flared at the action. 

 Ehtel's skin was red, red like red velvet cake. Blotches of black patterned his face, and he distinctively had two small triangles of black decorating his nose and near his eyes. Black and gray, curly, and short locks lined his head and traveled down his spine much like a hyena. When he smiled, sharp canine teeth were visible, but instead of being frightening, his teeth gave him a goofy and mischievous smirk. His yellow butterscotch eyes were captivating. Ehtel's eyes had very a distinct essence of warmth as if the butterscotch color in his eyes was freshly melted. The warmth in his eyes was reminiscent to of the warmth that had settled in Kara's stomach from the moonshine. If Kara could she would have wrapped herself up in the warmth of those eyes, much like how she wanted the feeling in her stomach to become all-encompassing.

G'kika, on the other hand, had long blond locks, a white complexion, and horn-like ridges lined their forehead. The ridges were painted a blue color. It was as if they wore a beautiful crown around their head. To top off their elegant appearance was a unique set of ears peeking through their long locks. Their ears were pointed, reminiscent of an elf, but upon further inspection on each side of their head were two ears. The ears on each side of their head were connected as if they were half of a butterfly wing. Ridges lines the outer cartilage of ears and were painted in various blues and purples. G'kika eyes, four in all, were Heterochromia, one set was yellow and the other set was purple. Kara felt like sat next to a model.

Kara’s new friends, but mostly Ehtel, taught her about the various alien drinks the bar served. They both wrote down on a napkin some ‘musts’ for Kara to try. The interaction, though weird, brought her mood up some, but it wasn’t long before Ehtel and G'kika decided it was getting late and it was time for the two of them to head back home:

"Kara we have to go," Ehtel sighed, just after a chuckle from a remark G'kika had made. "It's getting late, this idiot and I have work early in the morning." Ehtel pushed a button on a bracelet he wore around his wrist and his face changed. In place of his red velvet skin, a beautiful dark complexion and matched with brazen red hair appeared. His warm eyes turned to a dark brown. The shape of his face suggested that he was in his late twenties or early thirties. 

Kara looked beside Ehtel, and G'kika had used their bracelet too. G'kika still had an androgynous appearance. Thier skin was flawless pale complexion, but not as white. The ridges disappeared, their butterfly ears were replaced with boring human ears, and only one pair of eyes was visible on their face. G'kika eyes were now a blue, a color, she assumed, they could pass off as having a Swedish origin. The look possibly being used to make whatever cover story they had more convincing.

Ehtel, in their time together, had taken the barstool to Kara's right side with G'kika residing on her left side. Ehtel dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out square black spectacles, and gently put them on.

"Hey, we match now," Kara exuberantly claimed and jiggled her glasses on her nose. A smile hung at the corner of her lips.

"We do. Mine are made to help hide the luminous warmth of my eyes. They are necessary redundancy because my eyes sometimes flicker through the disguise." Ehtel said and patted her knee as he got up to leave. G'kika was waiting at the exit for their friend to get going. 

"Mine help with my disguise too. I'll tell you about it next time I see you," Kara called out to Ehtel. 

 

It wasn't long after her new friend's departure, Kara's stomach got this sinking feeling, and dissatisfaction coiled into her bones.

She was alone.  

She was alone. _again_.

Nothing was there to block things out. Images flashed in Kara's mind, flooded with memories. Her heart sank, and she shook her head trying to dispel the images. She waved the bartender over, ordering a drink from the list her new friends had left for her. 

Kara truly felt like she was Atlas and carried the world on her back. She _had_ carried the world on her back, and she had made certain it didn’t fall. It didn’t break, and alien invaders didn't conquer it. 

That night, when she gave Mon-el up, the sacrifice she made felt worth it. The exuberance around her reassured her she made the right choice. The happy couples, M’gann and J’onn, Alex and Maggie, Winn and Lyra, they all assured her she had done the right thing. Her selfless decision was the right course of action. However, right now, the weeks, and months, following that day, it felt like another piece of herself had been ripped from her soul.

She felt like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit into the puzzle anymore. A puzzle piece which had been jammed into another piece; the tabs and blanks had been forced together, not meeting smoothly and perfectly. Now, it’s as if she had been removed from her forcible interlocking with the other pieces, and had been thrown aside. Thrown aside because she was a puzzle piece meant for a different puzzle. For a different world. A different home—A home that no longer existed.

 

 

> _“You’re either part of the family, or you’re not!” exclaimed Alex._
> 
> _“He’s my father,” Said Alex._
> 
> _“He’s mine too,” Kara replied back._
> 
> _“Then act like it!!” Alex roared, her lips drawn up as if in a snarl._

Kara shoved the horrid memory down. Shoved it down far away. The memory made her insides feel cold; made her heartache. She felt even more out of place.

She tried. She had tried—tried to comfort herself, but it was useless. Nothing had worked.

Kara gulped down what was left in her glass from drinking with Ehtel and G'kika. She savored the intoxicating sensation and effect as it slid down her throat.

As for her friends, well, they were nowhere to be found nowadays. Not that Kara wanted to see them. El mayarah was a farce. None of her friends understood. None of them had lost _everything_ in their lives. Lost the love of their life. Lost their culture, their planet, their childhood, their childhood friends, and most of all their whole family.

Anyhow, it didn't matter, James and Winn were busy fighting crime, and Alex and Maggie were planning a wedding. They were busy too, just as Kara had been keeping herself busy. With Alex… Alex, well, after what she had said regarding their disagreement over Jeremiah, the space, recently developing between them this year, had widened into a chasm, especially now after their most recent confrontation.

Alex, during the past year, had slipped away from her. Her sister, the person who made earth feel like home, had slipped away. Soon, Alex would be gone just like everyone else in her life, but if Kara was honest, a part of her wanted Alex to leave her. She was just so tired and wanted everyone to leave. Leave on her terms, and not when she least expected it.

 _It’ s okay, though, if I push Alex away,_ Kara tried to assure herself. _I have cost Alex so much…  and, she’s happy now. She’s getting married._

Kara’s heart dropped, and guilt washed over her.

_She’s getting married without a father to walk her down the aisle. My fault._

The realization dragged her deeper into the dark abyss burgeoning in Kara Zor-El.

As if on cue, the bartender set a glass down in front of her. Kara noted briefly the liquor was blue, before she hurriedly gulped down the intoxicant. As it went down, the liquid burned her throat and Kara’s face contorted into a wince. Yet, she found the stinging sensation down her throat enjoyable. In that one gulp, she had consumed everything in the glass. Kara set her empty glass on the counter and promptly requested a refill.

There was this indescribable, ever present, feeling of losing your entire planet, culture, and worst of all your family, hibernating within the Girl of Steel. It was always there inside of her, and people had no clue. They looked at her without seeing. They looked straight past her.

She had often dreamt of traveling to another earth in the multiverse and locating a universe where Krypton still hung in the sky. She daydreamed of being reunited with her family, and that’s why she could never fault Barry for creating flash-point. She wasn’t sure if she would’ve made a different decision than what Barry made.

It was an impossible daydream. Impossible because it seemed that this Earth, Earth 38, was the one with the most advanced alien-human communications. The rest, from lack of alien incidences, had none of the capabilities this one had. Even if Krypton still hung in the sky in the multiverse, there was no way to know from earth. Cisco, if he tried to vibe them to a Krypton, was more than likely end up vibing them into the cold vacuum of space, where they would both perish.

Given the chance though, she was certain, she would’ve created Flash-point too. She would have gone back, altered Krypton’s history, and saved her planet from destruction. Then she’d run forward in time to her own specific point in time, and relish in having a home. In having a family. In mentoring Kal-el. Aunt Astra wouldn’t have been sentenced to Fort Rozz. Everything would be perfect.

Most of all, it would erase all the jagged spaces within her. Spaces from where Krypton and her family had been ripped from her. It would erase the hole that was inside of her.

Kara, out of habit, reached up to her neck to twiddled the necklace’s pendant between her fingers. Only, there was nothing there. The necklace had been a source of comfort for her in the past—an anchor to hold. Something tangible form Krypton… and now she had nothing. There wasn’t any necklace to hold her together. To be honest, though, she didn’t think anything could hold her together anymore. Right now, she doubted, even the strongest glue in the universe could hold her broken pieces in place.

Her neck felt bare, exposed, without her mother’s necklace. It was a feeling she was trying to get used to. Every now and then, she regretted giving her mother’s necklace to Mon-el. It was alright though because from her gift Mon-el would not be alone in that vacuum of space. He would have a tangible object to remind him that she was in his heart.

Kara had no one to turn to, but alcohol was there. She understood now. It was something that wouldn’t abandon her. It was something that wouldn't discard her—unlike Clark, her parents, and like others had in her life. Alien rum was there for her, even when everything was changing.

Kara called the bartender over and ordered another glass.

Eventually, the bartender cut her off, and she refused to have someone pick her up. (Much to the bartender's annoyance.) She made it back home just fine, not without a bit of accidental destruction on the way, though. When she opened the door to her apartment, she accidentally slammed the front door. The noise echoed throughout the apartment complex.

_Thank Rao, my door didn't break._

Kara changed into her pajamas, unknowingly wearing her pants backward, and used the bathroom for a while, then climbed into bed. To Kara's surprise, once she haphazardly crawled into bed, she easily fell asleep. It had been 8 days and 6 hours since the last time she had slept. Her body was slower, because of the sun, in generating dark circles under her eyes. The sun also provided her with energy, and so her energy levels to other people seemed normal. Humans receive energy from food, water, and sleep. For Kryptonians, they had the sun added to that list. To others, there was nothing to suggest that she would go days without sleep. Despite that, Kara knew her sister, Alex, was suspicious even if others were unaware.

This night though, Kara she was able to sleep because of the impact alien alcohol had on her physiology. Kara had read that earth alcohol had similar effect on humans too. It was the first time in a long while that every muscle was relaxed and loose as she laid in bed. It was as if everything had faded out. There was no strain. no tension. No heaviness rested on her. She was just curled up in her duvet.


	2. A Superhero Doesn't Kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Kryptonian mantra was found at this link: http://kryptonian.info/news-feed.html/2017/11/13/doyle-kryptonian-on-supergirl/
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! This is set before Mon-el's return to the show.

Lena ambled down the hallway looking for a particular room number.

Her dark hair was drawn up into an intricate, and professional, bun and she wore a dark pencil skirt matched with a dark green blouse. Her neck was adorned with a silver necklace that hung just above her collarbone. Her lips were painted in a muted tone today, instead of her usual red lipstick. It would be ‘absolutely horrid’ if her shirt and lip color reminded people of Christmas. Oh, the media would have a field day, ‘Lena Luthor supporter of Christmas music before Thanksgiving.’

Upon sighting her destination, the sound of Lena’s heels slowed in pace, not that she needed to search for the room because she knew its location by heart by now. It was almost like a second home to her; it was a safe place for her. Gosh, she didn’t have many of those. It still took some getting used to—the familiarity, and comfort, a little loft could give her—that a place could feel like home, and yet not be specifically her ‘home.’

Lena came to a stop outside the apartment door. The young CEO felt her gut telling her the door was unlocked, and she really hoped her gut was right. In the past, it had almost always been unlocked when she, her friend, was home, except for a recent period where it had remained firmly locked to anything and anyone. However, with recent events, she suspected that the occupant might be back to old habits.

Lena turned the doorknob, her palms sweaty—she was nervous about visiting unannounced. It wasn’t a typical interaction they shared. They always made plans, and they hardly ever showed up unannounced. The door gave a gentle click as the blot left the strike plate in the door frame. It was unlocked just as she hoped. Lena, without hesitation, entered. The CEO had been afraid to knock and have her friend turn her away. As a result, she entered the apartment without any verbal consent from the owner. Better to ask for forgiveness than for permission, as the saying goes.

When Lena entered the apartment, she turned and hung up her sweater on the coat rack. In the middle of doing so, and turning back around, she called out, “Kara, hey, I had some ideas I wanted to run by you.”

As the CEO finished the sentence and had turned to face the kitchen area, Lena’s feet glued themselves to the floor, her brows arched, and her eyes widened for a second, before she composed her features. Lena was dumbfounded by the sight before her.

Kara sat at the wooden high-top table, though she expected the blonde to be binge-watching some TV show on the couch, that wasn’t what stopped the infamous L-Corp CEO. She was rendered immobile by the spectacle of multiple large glass bottles haphazardly sitting on the high top, and most of all, the view of one of those bottles pressed firmly to Kara’s lips.

“Lena!” Kara coughed and sputtered, pulling the bottle away from her lips as she made eye contact with the estranged Luthor and registered what Lena had just uttered.

Lena immediately noted the delayed reactions—Kara was never this delayed. She would have heard her when the door opened, or even the rustling of putting her sweater on the rack. Kara had this sensory thing about her at times, Lena had observed in the past.

“Lena, sorry, I must’ve forgotten we were doing something this weekend,” Kara said very slowly, too slowly, her brow crinkling in confusion. Kara got off the stool, stumbling to her feet as she did so, and Lena knew. Oh, she knew.

Kara Danvers, little miss sunshine, was drunk. Talk about a role reversal from three weeks ago. Lena helping her drunk friend Kara. It sounded almost like a joke if she wasn’t seeing it for herself.

“Actually, we didn’t have plans this weekend; I just showed up. Unannounced.” Lena answered. Pointedly, she followed that statement, teasingly, with, “Kara, are you drunk? I didn’t think Kara Danvers ever let herself get drunk.”

“What, no? No. I’m not drunk.” Kara slurred, her arms outstretched as if Lena was expressing a crazy notion. The blonde, unsteady on her feet, had made it over to Lena from the short distance of the high-top table in the kitchen, without much incident. Though, Lena’s arms were ready if Kara had needed her assistance with walking.

“You’re drunk, don’t even pretend to deny it,” chuckled Lena guiding Kara to the blonde’s couch. Guiding, being more of assisting the reporter with the short distance of the kitchen, and dining area, to the living area of the loft. Lena seriously doubted her friend could have made it there without bumping into the other furniture pieces.

Once the CEO sat Kara down on the couch, Kara drew in a shaky breath. The sound reminded Lena of when she had confronted her at work about the way she had been acting. Lena, carefully, took a seat next to Kara on the couch. Lena had been playing it cool so as not to spook Kara—laughing and making light of the situation. Though, Lena was very concerned. This was something she would do after a bad day, not Kara.

The younger woman seemed to be focused on something at her feet, her head was bowed, her elbows rested on her thighs, and her back was arched in the position of leaning forward, instead of resting her back on the couch cushions. It was almost as if she was trying to wall out the rest of the world. Kara had, from Lena’s perspective, seemingly shut down once she had dismissed Kara’s objection about her not being drunk.

“Kara,” Lena began gently, and put a reassuring hand between Kara’s shoulder blades, “is this about Mon-el?”

Kara gave a heavy sigh. “Yes, and no. It’s complicated,” Kara slurred out—her words unsteady in her pronunciation. The reporter slumped backward and rested her body on the back of the couch cushion as if in defeat, Lena having had removed her hand when Kara had started to slouch backward.

“Kara, you can talk to me. You’ve seen me when I was wasted—”

“This is different. You haven’t— You don’t—,” Kara let out a frustrated breath and ran an agitated hand through the hair on top of her drawn up hair. “This is different Lena,” Replied Kara scooting away from Lena towards the arm of the couch. “It’s not just about him. I-I did something, something that goes against everything I stand for.”

“You don’t think I felt the same way two weeks ago?” Lena replied her voice even and gentle, though not without a tiny hint of offense. Her green eyes, though, had no malice directed towards her friend.

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just different, Lena.”  Kara looked down avoiding eye contact with Lena.

Loose, blonde, hair from Kara’s ponytail fell across the side of her face, and her hair was, noticeably, greasy from not being washed in the past few days. It had gross shine from the sunlight streaming in through the window behind her, and the hair in Kara’s ponytail was limp and lifeless. The blonde also had a slight musty odor just barely detectable over the stench of alcohol.

Taking stock of Kara’s state, Lena steeled herself, “Well, as your employer I can suspend you from work until further notice if I feel you need time, or what have you.” Her tone firm as the threat left her lips.

Kara’s head shot up, her blue eyes steely as they met Lena’s, “That’s—I don’t need James and Alex on my butt for sudden absence at work. They’ll figure it out, and…” Kara’s eyes shifted to the side before they came back to look at her, “Look, Lena, it’s about a lot of things.” Kara finished looking down again.

Kara maneuvered her legs so she was sitting cross-legged on the couch and her back rested on the arm of the couch. Her shoulders were slumped. It was an odd contrast to the power and optimism Lena usually associated with Kara.

Kara nervously began picking at the threads in her socks, not knowing how to weasel herself out of this situation. She felt trapped. Alex was sure to find out now about what she had been doing, and the last thing Alex needed, after breaking up with Maggie, was to take care of her broken alien sister. Kara didn’t know what to say; she couldn’t tell Lena the truth without revealing her alter-ego to the CEO.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence as Kara stalled trying to figure out a way out of this situation. Lena sensed the silence might work in her favor for breaking through the shell of her best friend. Filling in the space left by their broken conversation, birds chirped outside, the sound of Kara picking at her socks, a honk as cars bustled out on the streets, a shuffle of feet as they padded down the hallway towards the elevator, and muffled words as a conversation passed Kara’s apartment door.

“ha-ha,” suddenly, chuckled Kara, “You know when you said I believe everything is good in the world, well,” she again chuckled, “you were wrong. You don’t understand, or even know what I’ve been through.” Kara’s eyes locked with Lena’s—blue steel pierced through her as a rage was reflected in her best friend’s eyes. Rapidly there was a flash in Kara’s glower, and the rage morphed into hurt—Kara’s eyes began to shimmer as moisture gathered in her eyes.

“I’m not some happy saint. That’s all people seem to think I am. I-I’ve done things,” a watery sob issued from Kara, “you could never bring yourself to do. I was so tempted to do something,” a stifled sob makes it from her lips,” and for a moment I thought I could do it. I’ve done it before—I’ve done it before, but I couldn’t do it.” Kara snuffled at the end, and couldn’t hold the sobs in anymore. Violent sobs racked Kara's frame as if there was an earthquake within the reporter’s body.

Kara bowed her head and covered her mouth with her hand trying to stifle her cries. She clenched her eyes shut in a, failing, effort to regain control of herself. Tears darted down her face one after the other, they wouldn’t stop, and to Kara, her muffled sobs seemed so loud. She was crumbling in front of someone. She didn’t want anyone to see how human she was. They weren’t supposed to see this. She wasn’t human, and yet here she was… being human.

Lena Luthor, the genius of L-Corp, was speechless. She awkwardly laid her hand on her friend’s shoulder, and as she felt a violent sob shake through Kara’s frame, she pulled Kara into her. Burying the reporter’s face into her shoulder. Her hand cradled the back of Kara’s head and gently pressed her face into her green blouse. Her other arm was wrapped around Kara’s shoulders holding her close—trying to comfort her.

“Shh, sh, it’s okay. It’s okay, Kara,” Lena said recalling a memory of her real mother doing the same when she had been alive.  She repeated those words over and over, and slightly rocked Kara, in her attempt to comfort her distraught and intoxicated friend. The stench of liquor from Kara was overwhelming. Lena held back a grimace as, beneath the smell of alcohol, she got a good whiff of the stench associated with Kara not showering the past few days. Ignoring it, Lena focused on calming her friend down and slowing down the sobs that racked the blonde’s frame.

Kara hesitantly accepted the embrace and wrapped her arms around Lena. Kara’s sobs eased and quieted as Lena rubbed a hand up and down Kara’s back, and rocked her slightly as if she was a child. Kara turned her head and rested her cheek on Lena’s shoulder, and found enough control to speak again.

“Clark, my cousin, he hasn’t had to k—do the things I have. Looking back, I—I,” a sob escapes her control, “I could have done something different. My hands didn’t have to be so dirty…  I turned them into dust.” Kara whispered the last part of her distraught ramblings, and the Kryptonian found her tears had ceased. The sobs had stopped. All she was, now, was exhausted—so tired, her bones felt like they were made of Nth metal.

“Turned what into dust?” inquired Lena, her concern growing at the weird gibberish coming from Kara. She made a mental note to find out the phone number to Kara’s sister.

She didn’t answer Lena. With her cheek resting on Lena’s, now wet, shoulder, Kara stared vacantly out at her apartment

* * *

 

 

Waking from her slumber, Kara groaned. She felt terrible. Kara opened her eyes, and quickly closed them again. She felt sick—the room felt like it was spinning. The light felt like it was burning through the cell membranes in her eyes. Every sound within a mile radius seemed to reverberate through her skull. Kara cracked one eye open and caught sight of a note on the coffee table, as well as a glass of water and some pills.

Startled, she realized she was laying on her couch. A blanket, the one that usually resided on top of the couch, had been carefully draped over her. As she processed these details, she noted all the curtains in her loft had been drawn closed. They didn’t do much though, considering the curtains were white and opaque.

Reaching forward, pulling an arm out from beneath the blanket, she grasped the note and brought to her face to read:

 

  _Kara,_

 

_Here is something for your headache. I hope they help._

_Don’t worry about coming into work for the next few days. I have given you the next three days off. Rest up, shower, and take care of yourself. I will be checking in on you, and depending on how you’re doing, I will authorize when you can come back to work._

 

_With love,_

_Lena_

_This is just great. Just what I needed_ , thought Kara as she finished reading the letter _. James is going to be making the rounds, again!_

Kara, with some effort, began to recall what had transpired a few hours ago. Overwhelming shame coiled itself in her stomach. She felt sicker than when she had awoken. She pulled the blanket over her head and swallowed the nervous lump in her throat. She was so embarrassed; she was supposed to be better than that. Better than being broken. Better than being human.

Would Lena still be her friend after what she had seen? She had seen that Kara Danvers was not some perfect embodiment of sunshine and goodness. What would her boss, and friend, think now? Oh, Rao!

Kara took a shuddering breath as she tried to calm herself down. She pulled the blanket off from covering her head, and she took deep breaths to calm herself.

 _"Star, make my life light. Star, build my power,"_ Kara whispered in Kryptonian, matching her breathing to the rhythm of her chanting. Once she was a little calmer, she sat up on the couch. She downed the glass of water Lena had left out for her. The painkillers, she knew, would do nothing for her, so she picked them up and returned them to the bottle she had in the bathroom for when Alex was hung over.

Kara proceeded to defy how terrible she felt and pushed open a single set of her curtains so the maximum amount of light could shine through the window. Her eyes burned, and water leaked from her eyes, as the sunbeam shone brightly on her face. With one eye cracked open, she grabbed the latch of the window, unlocked it and swung it open so even more sunlight could shine onto the open spot in her loft. She shielded her eyes with her hand and followed the sunlight to where it rested on the wooden floor. Kara laid herself down on the wood floor, basking in the area of sunlight she had created. She turned her head towards the side to alleviate some of the stinging in her eyes from the light.

The female Kryptonian had learned, through trial and error, the quickest way for her body to get back to normal, after drinking strong alien alcohol, was to curl up in the sun. The behavior reminded Kara of Eliza’s cat, and how she would curl up by the sliding glass door and lounge in the sun. It was just another thing that reminded her she wasn’t human. Heck, she found a cat relatable, especially with how refreshing the sun felt on her skin after she’d had one too many drinks.

As she allowed her body to begin to heal itself, she found the images on Mars once again haunted her. She had disintegrated those White Martians as if it was nothing at all. She swung that staff and they turned to dust. Turned into soot. She couldn't even recall correctly anymore because she'd gone over the memory so many times if she knew swinging the staff would result in such an outcome--if Kara knew, at some level, those White Martians would be vaporized.

 

 

> _“Kara, this is war, and to win a war, sometimes the enemy has to die. But can you look me in the eye and tell me that you are prepared to kill?” Alex had asked two years ago._
> 
> _“Superman doesn't kill,” Kara replied pointedly._

The memory of that conversation haunted her at night. She isn’t the hero she thought she would be. She has killed. A few Daxamites, and Rhea, too, died when she released the lead into the atmosphere. Now, she has killed—no, vaporized—White Martians. People are never entirely made of only evil, and she knows this. And, that fact makes it all the more traumatic that she, in certain situations, can execute a killing blow without batting an eye.

She could have just knocked those Martians out, but instead, she vaporized them. Turned them into dust. J’onn didn’t even bat an eye at the incident either. It’s as if people don’t notice that her hands are covered in blood. In her first year of crime fighting, she couldn’t even bring herself to kill Non, but, now, the body count is rising!

The hurting superheroine could hear Morgan Edge’s voice:

 

 

> _Now, if I had an enemy, I'd crush her without mercy. Let's say, for instance, I was your enemy, hmm? The thing for you to do right now would be to kill me. But you capes, you don't have what it takes. Do you?_

Kara is haunted by those words, in more than one way. They keep her up at night sometimes because Morgan Edge doesn’t have the slightest idea of the acts she has done.

Oh, how she wished she could’ve proven him wrong and performed what he had asked. But, in a strange twist, she couldn't bring herself to hurt a human. It was almost as if she sub-consciously regarded their life as more valuable than an alien’s. Was that it? Was that why she could so easily take those Martians lives?

Suddenly, a car honked loudly outside, and in response, Kara’s head pulsated.

Her head hurt too much to solve this internal problem today. She pushed the thoughts, regarding the value system of how she saw alien lives vs. human lives, away. She pushed them back into the recesses of her mind. That was the last thing she wanted to think about. Mostly, Kara was terrified to find out if she had, somehow, been conditioned to regard human life as more valuable than alien life. Hence, the reporter preferred to leave that door locked. 

All that mattered, right now, was that Edge was wrong, she had killed. And, she knows every single face that she has killed. She sees them in her dreams. Her hands are coated in blood, but no one, not even her friends, notices. No one cares that she has ended up killing. It’s as if only she could see the dirt on hands, and it tore her apart inside. The thought and the memories made her heartache. Her friends also couldn’t even fathom, that she might have killed Mon-el too. She might have killed him. He could be dead in space. Dead in that pod she sent him away in. There was a real chance she could have killed the man she loves.

Tears streamed down Kara’s face.

Her hands were covered in red—so dirty. They were painted and caked in crimson. And everyone was blind to it, everyone, except herself.

Eventually, while Kara was curled up in the sun, she drifted off to sleep. Today was terrible, and rest, at least today, was an escape from the reality she lived in. Tomorrow she could deal with not being the hero she wanted to be—not being the hero she should be.


	3. Trump Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena tries to come to the rescue. Lena uses her resourcefulness against Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter three! I wanted to inform you, last week I updated Chapter one, and that update will be sort of prominent to the story as it moves forward. so, please take look back at chapter one if you haven't already.

“Kara, I brought some take out for us,” Lena said as she opened the door to the loft. She had texted Kara earlier about being done with work.

Today, Lena had pulled the boss tone on Kara this morning when she walked into work. Kara had apparently thought she could sneak into work without her noticing. Oh boy, did Kara learn that she should have listened and not come into work as Lena had ordered. Lena had gone full-on intimidating CEO on her.

Lena didn’t like having to pull the boss tone and attitude, but it seemed to be the only thing that would get Kara to listen. Everything else was dismissed or avoided. Granted, it was a debacle, like the last time she had pushed Kara too far.

 

> “ _Kara, your behavior is unacceptable. As your boss, I ordered you to not come into work for three days, and yet here you are. It hasn’t even been a day. You realize that this shows a complete lack of respect for my authority,” Lena coldly said and gazed aloofly at the blonde reporter._
> 
> _Kara, where she stood, stared sheepishly at the ground. She nodded guiltily at the L-Corp CEO._
> 
> _Lena had located an old office room that was secluded, since the private Catco conference room was being used at the moment. She then had Eve to retrieve Kara. Lena was not one to scold her employees in public. She found things in the work place were better handled in private. This instance being no exception._
> 
> _“Was I wrong in what I saw at your apartment?” Lena asked. She wanted something from Kara other than this. Other than her shutting down and walling people out. And Kara’s walls were unquestionably up._
> 
> _Lena allowed an adequate amount of silence to follow her question._
> 
> _“Kara?” Lena sternly inquired. Demanding a response._
> 
> _Kara looked up at her with fear in her eyes. “No ma’am,” she replied with a nervous tension evident in voice._
> 
> _Lena internally stumbled when Kara’s eyes met hers. The stormy look in Kara eyes, and even her whole posture, reminded Lena of a scared child. Lena hesitated. With the slumped posture and fear so evident in Kara eyes, Lena decided to switch tactics. The approach she had just used was full of error. It was a mistake. She could see that now. She had reduced her best friend into maybe reliving something from her past, or at the very least making things worse._
> 
> _Lena knew Kara had a difficult past being that she was a foster kid. It was something Kara never talked about, and Lena was sure she had just caught her first glimpse of what Kara’s past entailed or at least a glimpse of behind Kara’s cheerful disposition._
> 
> _“Kara,” Lena’s tone softened, “let’s take a seat.” She motioned to the couch that was, for some odd reason, located in this abandoned office. (Along with some heavy computer equipment, and a white board with markers.)_
> 
> _To Kara’s surprise, she could hear in Lena’s tone that she was no longer CEO Lena, but her friend Lena. This coaxed Kara to Lena’s side. Kara sat on the couch next to where Lena. It was as if they were at her office in L-Corp, except sitting on a cheap and uncomfortable couch._
> 
> _Lena put an arm around Kara and drew her closer to her. With her hand resting on Kara’s shoulder, Lena’s fingers gently fiddled with the shoulder portion of the cotton fabric of Kara’s button up blouse. She had decreased the space between them, and Lena hoped her actions were of some comfort to the reporter. Kara was a tactile person. Though, the said blonde, still had her head down staring at the ground as if it held an enthralling view._
> 
> _Looking at Lena, Kara didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth to try to begin to articulate something, but quickly closed her mouth then opened it again. Kara looked away from Lena in shame. She didn’t know what to say. Lena had seen her in a vulnerable position. Even the memory of it, made Kara want to hide from the CEO. Kara couldn’t bring herself to look at Lena. She couldn’t bear to pick her head up and see calculating eyes burrowing into her._
> 
> _“Look, Kara, I know you. You would not defy my orders simply for the sake of being defiant. There must be a reason you defied my orders? And I want to understand.” Lena said gently, seeing Kara fumbling for words._
> 
> _Kara let out a shaky sigh at Lena’s words. The tremble in her voice from the burning shame that gnawed in her stomach. Kara’s eyes grew glassy at the soft tone Lena had used, and the way she had shown mercy towards her. She had every right to discipline her, but she had changed her mind and instead showed her concern.  
>    
>  “James, if he didn’t see me at work, he would call Alex. My sister is already worried enough about me. I wanted to follow your orders, I would have, but James would have everyone knocking at my door. I’m tired of it,” aggravation clear in the Kryptonian's voice, and finally picking her head up to look at Lena. “My friends, my sister, my foster mother, they don’t understand.” Kara finished softly, and adjusted the glasses on her face nervously. With a swallow and an exasperated sigh, she continued, “When you have lost so much, it’s hard for others to understand…”_
> 
> _Kara’s eyes searched Lena’s face for a sign of recognition of what she trying to articulate. She had gone out on a limb. At Kara’s disclosure, she saw a flash of recognition in Lena’s eyes._
> 
> _“I understand. I do,” Lena said, “as you know, growing up as Luthor was hard. Even though I was so young when I lost my mother, it still affects me today sometimes.” Lena’s thumb rubbed Kara’s shoulder soothingly. “I can only imagine how it must be when you’ve lost your parents at 13.”_
> 
> _Lena’s voice was gentle; her head rested on top of Kara’s. She could understand now. Lena finally understood why Kara was still hung up on Mon-el._
> 
> _“I have a plan,” Lena said and a mischievous smile blossomed on her face. Kara turned towards her, brows furrowed. A crinkle prominent in the blonde’s brow. “Here’s what we are going to do! I’m going to tell James I have you working on an assignment. An assignment that has you out of the office for a few days.”_
> 
> _“Lena, that sounds amazing,” Kara replied, a smirk finding its way to Kara’s lips._
> 
> _“But,” Lena held up a finger, “after I’m done with work today, you and I are going to hang out, watch movies, and talk.”_

And that’s how the mischievous Lena Luthor weaseled her way into getting Kara to spend time with her. She was a Luthor, and a Slytherin to boot, and she was going to use her resourcefulness for good. Especially, for the well-being of her best friend.

“What do you want to watch,” Lena asked as she fixed a plate of food for herself and Kara. She took great care to put extra Chinese food on Kara’s plate, the ravenous eater that her friend was. Plus, she had noticed earlier today that Kara’s frame was thinner than it used to be. Grief had left a mark on Kara more than just emotionally.

“How about we watch Grey’s Anatomy?” Kara suggested. The blonde was sitting on the couch scrolling through the various options. She held a box of pot stickers in one hand and the remote in the other.

“if you want, I’ve seen all the seasons though,” Lena replied from the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of wine. She was going to need the wine if she was going to have a heart to heart with Kara about loss and along with mommy and daddy issues.

“How about I-Zombie?” Kara put forward.

“The main character eats brains Kara; can you really stomach that?” Lena asked amused. Kara was not one for gross eating habits. They had once watched a documentary on strange and weird food people ate around the world. Not only was Kara devastated by people eating dogs, but they had to stop watching after the section on eyeballs. Kara had only lasted 15 minutes into the documentary before she made them watch something else.

“Oh, gross,” Kara’s brow crinkled in disgust. “Never mind,” Kara called.

“How about we watch something with Vampires,” Lena suggested as she brought the food to the coffee table and sat on the couch beside Kara. “There is something so sexy about Vampires,” Lena added with a grin.

Kara handed Lena the remote, giving her free rein over what vampire show she wanted to watch. She traded for the large plate of food Lena had prepared for her. Kara dug into the dish eagerly. Lena selected a Vampire show and relaxed. Kara snuggled into her side. Lena had missed Kara. Missed this.

Kara had been very distant, and it seemed, based on their conversation this morning she had been so with everyone. That needed to change. Isolating oneself was not good. It was not healthy, and Lena knew this first hand.

“There’s something so sexy about having a vampire suck your blood,” Lena cooed as the main character, in the heat of the moment, allowed the love-interest vampire to bite her neck and take some blood lovingly. It was getting late, and when the episode ended Lena exited out of Netflix and turned towards Kara. Kara was sat on the edge of her seat her body leaning on the armrest on the opposite side of the couch. Her feet were sprawled out near Lena on the sofa.

“You have a point,” Kara mused absentmindedly. “Though, I think it would be better if they both could do it to each other. Sort of like a secret way they show affection for each other.”

“So, like the Vulcan hand Kiss?” Lena inquired

“Yes, like that,” Kara exclaimed turning her head towards Lena. “Next time we are watching Star Trek! Jeremiah, my foster dad, loved that series, and so does Alex.”

Kara grew morose as the words left her mouth. Alex used to make Kara watch it with her. Kara personally found the show to be a little unrealistic at points, but it was sci-fi show that had messages of positivity regarding aliens.  She never finished watching the series, and all the adaptations, because ‘Jeremiah’s death’ had sent the series way back into the queue. After ‘Jeremiah’s death,’ Alex had stopped watching it. Refused to watch it, and when Kara would propose it for sister night when they were teenagers, Alex would give a huff and refuse.

Lena observed how Kara’s eyes and facial expression changed slightly after mentioning her sister and foster father.

“Lex and I use to watch the show together as kids. It was something he introduced to me. What species is your favorite alien,” Lena inquired, drawing Kara back to the present.

“I’m not sure. I haven’t seen enough of the franchise to have a favorite. Though, I did find the actor Anton Yelchin, who played Pavel Chekov, to be very attractive. I think it was mostly his accent though. It’s unfortunate that Anton died.” Kara supplied to Lena. Kara drew her feet into a cross-legged position and sat attentively, no longer leaning on the armrest of the couch.

“Do you have a favorite alien species?” Kara asked, her curiosity peaked. They rarely ever talked about the subject of aliens. Of course, Lena knew Kara was heavily pro-alien, especially so after Lena found out the blonde had dated a Daximite.

“Oh yes, I use to love the Vulcans as a kid. Still do even. I think that was because I thought if I could be like a Vulcan I could make my mother proud.” Lena said, a smile on her face as she recalled the good times she had with Lex watching the show. “I used to pretend with Lex that I was Vulcan. He would pretend to be the big brother Vulcan too. Sometimes it would even carry over into our chess matches.”

“Vulcans are the ones that act like they don’t have emotions, but they do, right?” asked Kara. She wanted to double check her knowledge on the subject and make sure she understood what Lena was saying.

“Correct. I think as a kid I valued the logic they often spoke of because I knew I was different from other kids. I wasn’t great at fitting in all the time at school because of how smart I was at times. Then the Vulcans with their distant nature kind of reminded me of my mother,” Lena said her tongue in her cheek as she thought it over. “I guess I found them relatable in some ways.”

“I know what you’re talking about, one of my favorite movies when I first came to live with Alex and my foster family was Lilo and Stitch. I found myself to be like a little Stitch.” Kara replied, grabbing the blanket on the back of the couch and wrapped it around herself. She felt comfortable with the fabric wrapped around her frame. She felt a sense of security from it.

“Was Alex a Lilo,” Lena chuckled in amusement, tilting her head to lean on her arm that rested on the armrest of the couch. Enthralled in their conversation.

“Not exactly, Alex wasn’t very excited at first about having a sister. It took months to even a year till she began to accept me into the family. It was a slow process.” Kara replied with her head tilting to the side. Her blonde ponytail swung slightly at the motion.

Kara didn’t supply any more information on the subject, and so Lena saw now was her chance. She could dig with this information and hopefully get Kara to make her a promise.

“Kara,” Lena called softly, “Is grieving Mon-el hard because like Stitch when he first came to earth, you don’t know how to deal with things?”

Kara stiffened and drew the blanket tighter around her. Her fingers tightened around the soft fabric. Kara really didn’t want to talk about this. She wanted to disappear and avoid this subject. In an act of security, Kara lowered her head and rubbed her toes nervously against the couch cushion. Trying to ignore the question Lena had asked.

“You said this morning, ‘when you’ve lost so much,” Lena pushed on. “I can understand how that feels. I don’t blame you for how long it’s taking you. Kara, you lost your family in a fire, and it’s perfectly understandable that what happened with Mon-el would be a struggle for you… I’m sorry for my involvement in what happened to Mon-el too.” Lena declared her eyes intensely focused on Kara.

“It’s not your fault. Supergirl is the one who sent him away,” Kara piped up. Her head remained downcast, and she drew the blanket tighter around her frame. She wanted Lena to understand that what happened with Mon-el was not her responsibility.

“That’s beside the point Kara; I don’t want your reassurances. I want you to talk to me. I understand what it’s like to lose a mom, even if I was very young,” Lena asserted. Lena placed a gentle hand on Kara’s shoulder, causing the blonde to look up at Lena finally.

After a brief silence eclipsed the friends, and the reporter searched Lena’s face, debating with herself till she finally uttered, “I always seem to take loss harder than others…”

Kara’s eyes drifted down again away from Lena. At this, Lena scooched forward placed her hands on either side of Kara’s face and brought Kara’s head up to look at her. Lena knew what the blonde needed, and Lena wanted Kara’s full attention when she said it. Lena was tired of Kara frequently bowing her head.

“That’s oaky. It’s nothing to be ashamed about,” Lena declared, her eyes searched Kara’s face for a signal for understanding. Lena dropped her hands from Kara’s face and put an arm around Kara’s shoulder. Kara’s legs now semi dangled off the couch and had shifted from their crossed position at some point during their conversation.

“When I’m busy it’s not so bad…” Kara said trailing off, her eyes looking up at Lena.

 _Now’s my chance,_ Lena thought.

“How about this, if you and I pour the strong alcohol stash you have hidden in your apartment down the drain, I’ll let you come into work tomorrow?” Lena offered tightening her grip on Kara’s shoulders. “can we do that?” Lena asked earnestly.

“Lena, I don’t see what the big deal is. I use it to help me sleep at night,” Kara said, telling a half-truth.

“That’s not what it looked like on Sunday,” Argued Lena. Her brows furrowed and tone stern. Lena did not like being lied to.

“Still, what’s the issue? I saw you drinking when you thought you had poisoned those kids?” Kara fired back, pulling away from Lena. The blanket laid bundled up and forgotten around Kara’s waist.  Kara’s face was filled with determination, and Irritation flashed in the blonde’s blue eyes.

“That’s different. You were drinking without a recent cause,” Lena shot at Kara, the CEO’s shoulders were tense and squared. Lena knew she was taking on an offensive body language. A posture in the way of attacking and defending. She should try to calm herself down, but she was already irritated with Kara with blatantly lying to her.

“How do you know I wasn’t drinking because something recently happened,” declared Kara. the reporter was fuming, and stood from the couch, positioning herself to tower over the young Luthor with a glare.

Lena took calming breaths, letting her heart rate slow. She needed to regain composure. She wasn't going to challenge Kara by standing up herself. She needed to be in control of the situation. Luckily, Lena had brought a trump card. She always had a plan, and then a backup plan. Call her a control freak if you want, but it was about to pay off.

  “I didn’t want to do this,” Lena said calmly and clicked her tongue disapprovingly at Kara. “I went into your employee file and found Alex Danvers to be one of your emergency contacts.”

Kara raised her eyebrows in a mixture of shock and disgust. Kara’s mouth hung slightly agape in shock.

“If you do not agree to get rid of your stash, I will call Alex and inform her about your recent activities. I will also call her if I even suspect you have gone out and purchased more of whatever hard liquor you were drinking on Sunday,” Lena delivered in a domineering tone, and found, despite her best efforts, she had returned fire at Kara by standing up from the couch.

“You wouldn’t,” Kara said narrowing her eyes at Lena. A frown engraved on her face.

“I’d rather not, but this is your choice, Kara. I have her number set on speed dial. You choose,” Lena countered, narrowing her own eyes at Kara, and pulled out her phone for emphasis on her threat. Lena was collected and composed; she had control over this situation.

“You win,” grumbled Kara, grounding out the answer from her clenched teeth. Her frame still radiated anger, but her shoulders were slumped in defeat.

Kara begrudgingly stalked towards the high-top that resided in her kitchen. Kara crawled underneath the table and started fiddling with the bottom of the table. A gentle pop sounded, and Kara began pulling bottle after bottle of alcohol out from the compartment under the high-top. To Lena’s surprise, only five bottles were in Kara’s possession, though Lena deduced that Kara had yet to refill her stash from earlier. Lena collected the bottles and handed one to Kara to start pouring down the kitchen sink.

Lena pointed to the kitchen sink and guided Kara there. Kara pulled open a dark colored glass bottle and turned it upside down. Red liquid poured out and swam down the drain in a flurry. There was a luminous sheen to liquid as it swirled around making its journey to the drain. Lena eyed the dark bottle in Kara’s hands, and noted that the label read, ‘Fruflalian Moonshine.’ Lena was intrigued but assumed it was something Mon-el had introduced Kara to. When the red liquid was gone from the bottle, Lena handed Kara another bottle. The new bottle had a label with letters Lena did not recognize. In fact, the label looked like it was covered in scribbles. Lena pushed the detail aside as she opened a bottle, and, standing beside Kara at the sink, poured it out herself. It didn’t take the reporter and CEO long before all the hard liquor Kara had was gone. The liquid making its home in the sewer, or wherever Kara’s Drain led to.

Lena drew Kara into her arm after she set the last bottle on the countertop. Kara was stiff in her arms. She side hugged Kara while they remained standing at the sink. The surface of the metal sink, around the drain, Lena noted, was the same red hue as the moonshine Kara poured down the sink. The strange brew stained had stained the metal.

“I only did this to help you,” Lena said softly to Kara. Her arm tightened around Kara’s shoulder

“I know,” Kara stated irritation still prominent in her voice. She let her body relax into Lena’s hug and wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist in a return gesture.

When Lena pulled away from Kara, her eyes searched Kara’s face, unsure of how the blonde would react to what she had to say next, “I will be dropping by every so often to make sure you are keeping up on our deal. Having wine is alright—I’m not going to put you into the prohibition period. Just no hard stuff.”

Kara remained quiet, not reacting to what Lena had said. The blonde felt chilly and had a slight ache inside of her. Her head was lowered and staring at the ground.

“It’s late, and I think I ruined our evening. I’m going to head home, Kara,” Lena said, realizing Kara wasn’t going to say anything. Lena pulled Kara into side hug, hoping the blonde would say something. She didn’t though.

Lena grabbed her things, and as she headed out the door, she called, “See you at work tomorrow, Kara.”

Kara waved in response, and Lena closed the door behind her. Lena was unsure how things would be in the morning, but she knew she had done the right thing for Kara either way.

***

When Lena had left, Kara flopped down on the couch.  No one understood. Tonight had re-enforced that idea. However, Kara had no choice, but the oblige by Lena’s rules or suffer the wrath of Alex. An anger, she was sure would be more potent since Alex was still getting over Maggie. On the flipside, Kara wasn’t willing to chance the idea Alex may not even care because she was getting over Maggie also. It was too risky to hope that Alex, in her own grief, would leave Kara alone.

Abruptly, Kara’s phone vibrated on the coffee table. She picked it up and found she had a text message. It was a message from Ehtel. Ehtel had been keeping in regular contact with Kara since they first met. Kara couldn’t hide the smile that teased at her lips as she read the message from Ehtel. He said nothing in particular that made her smile, but she found talking to him made her at least somewhat happy. She liked talking to him.

They often would share information about their culture, religion, and other cultural aspects of their life as aliens. It was different from her friendship with humans. She was learning a lot about his species as well as many other alien species. Ehtel was very knowledgeable about other aliens.

Kara typed out a reply:

**Sorry, tonight I couldn’t make it to the bar. I had plans with a friend. :)**

She hit send and saw Ehtel typing, and then stop typing. Kara glanced at the clock and sighed, it was 11:30 pm. She needed to get to bed since Lena had decided she could go to work tomorrow. Kara was glad to go to work tomorrow; there hadn’t been enough Supergirl action to keep her busy today. At one point, she had sat in her apartment bored to death with nothing to do. Or, there were things to do, but she had no motivation to do them.

Kara sped cleaned her apartment of the mess her and Lena had left behind, showered, and changed into some pajamas, and set out her stuff for work tomorrow. She crawled into bed, leery that she may not sleep well tonight since she had to pour out all her alien alcohol. Her phone binged from her nightstand where it was the charging near her bed.

It was another text from Ehtel.

Ehtel: **would you like to get lunch with me next week?**

Kara smiled, and typed:

**Yes, that would be great.  
**


End file.
